


Primum Non Nocere

by HumsHappily



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Assisted Suicide, BAMF John, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Suicide, John-centric, M/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 13:53:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3292805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HumsHappily/pseuds/HumsHappily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>If I faithfully observe this oath, may I thrive and prosper in my fortune and profession, and live in the estimation of posterity; or on breach thereof, may the reverse be my fate</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Primum Non Nocere

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags.  
> Please? Thank you. Do not blame me if you skip them, they are there for a reason.  
> Also, there is a happy ending.

_"But first do no harm."_

The words echo in his head as he slams his fist into the face of his father. As a smaller, older sister cowers behind him, clutching her hands to the the slice above her eye. As his mother cries out from where she sits, cradling her broken wrist.

_"But first do no harm."_

The words echo in his head as he leaves a syringe, uncapped and full, by the bedside of a dying man. As he turns away, fills out paperwork until he hears a soft 'thank you'. As he leaves the room, waiting around the corner until the monitors begin to screech and wail.  

_"But first do no harm."_

The words echo in his head as he curls a finger around a trigger, and the sharp retort of a gunshot cascades around the bell tower. As he taps into his intercom, notifies his boss that his mission has been accomplished.

_"But first do no harm."_

The words echo in his head as he slams the bottle of amber liquid down on the table. As Harry slurs, overcome with drink, thanking him and reaching for her cup. As he watches her send an empty tumblr to the ground, glass cracking, crystals embedding themselves into the carpet.

_"But first do no harm."_

The words echo in his head as the boy pleads for release. As he hands a knife over, and the boy bows his bleeding head, grateful. As the boy slits his wrists, blood pooling onto the ground, moving past the dead bodies of the other villagers. As he closes the boys eyes, weights them with small rocks, and kneels, praying to a god he no longer understands.

_“But first do no harm."_

The words echo as he bends over the body of a man, reaching forward to help, perhaps not. It depends on how the body is, if it will make it through the night. It is no longer anything more than a body, it can't be. Not until he makes it back, to shake and shiver as he doesn't sleep in his bunk. The words echo as fire goes through his shoulder, as he collapses next to the body. It was past help anyway.

_"But first do no harm."_

The words echo in his head as he raises the barrel to his mouth. As he stops at a knock on the door, lowers it, places the gun under his pillow. As he gets up, to calm the angry landlord, to quell the argument of the neighbours who reside in a beige bedsit just like the one he is trapped in.

_"But first do no harm."_

The words echo in his head as he pulls the trigger again, sending a bullet spiraling into the cabbie, ironically named Hope. As the glass shatters and he vanishes, back down to civilization. To the people who don't understand.

_"But first do no harm."_

The words echo as he throws his hands around the neck of a madman, grasping tight despite his Semtex outerwear. As red lights appear on the forehead of another and he lets go. As the men purr and circle each other, ravenous and wanting, and the red dots on his own chest never waver.

_"But first do no harm."_

The words echo as his fist crunches into the nose of the police chief, as he slams into an iron fence, handcuffs clanking. As he nearly pounces upon an “actor” who is delivering the performance of a lifetime, before escaping out of the window. As he swears after him, angry and worried.

_"But first do no harm."_

The words echo as he pushes, tries to reach the man lying on the sidewalk, coat spread beneath him like broken wings. “My friend” He says, “He’s my friend.” The wrist still warm, so limp in his hands as his head spins and the words echo, echo, echo, crash over him as he falls to his knees. And the blood spreads, slick and warm across the pavement, filling in the cracks, seeping into the water table.

_"But first do no harm."_

The words echo as he stumbles to his feet. As he stares at the ghost of a past ‘maybe’ standing at his table with a ridiculous smile. The ring box is still clenched in his hand, the woman across the table staring in disbelief.

_"But first do no harm."_

The words echo as he watches a man pull the trigger. Watches the blood pool as a body tumbles to the ground, skull in pieces on the cement. As men in black shout, as a helicopter whirrs in the air, blades spinning. He watches the man fall to his knees, hands behind his head.

_"But first do no harm."_

The words echo as he watches the man in the dark coat enter a plane. As a blonde stands at his side, clutching his arm. As he stands on the Tarmac, sunny and bright,  watching a plane taxi away.

_"But first do no harm."_

The words echo as he stops, turns, sees the plane do the same. As pulls his arm away, and the blonde nods, understanding that whatever it was that they had is over. She hands a ring over and leaves. He watches her go, hand pressed to the lipstick stain of her parting kiss.

_“But first do no harm."_

The words echo as his hands shake, tremble over the body of the man with the black coat.

The man who has gone away twice, come back twice, who has always, always come for John. As he traces scars, divots in skin. As his hands rest over the heart of the man, feel the thudding of his heart. And he is gentle, oh so gentle as the man looks up at him with wide eyes, trusting the hands that lay on him, open him, take him.

_“But first do no harm."_

The words echo once more as he falls into twilight. When the morning sun shines over London, he jolts awake, adrenaline filling his body. He freezes as arms slip around his shoulders, warm and loose from sleep. With a deep breath, he sinks into the embrace.

Sherlock clutches him tight, presses a kiss to his forehead and the echoes are finally, blessedly silent.

 

**Author's Note:**

> And as always, find me [here](http://hums-happily.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.  
> Any notification of errors are accepted with gratefulness that knows no bounds.  
> Kudos, comments, and your happy (pained) flailing are accepted with glee. I hope you enjoyed!  
> Thanks to beautifullyheeled for the look over.


End file.
